In the end, it wasn’t a catastrophe for Labour. Not even
close. Jim McMahon held Michael Meacher's long-held seat of Oldham West and Royton comfortably with a majority of 10,811
(given the reduction in turnout, that’s broadly the same result as in May 2015).
This was contrary to the reports which had been put about by
many of the perennial arms of the Murdoch and Right Wing Press, namely The
Guardian and The
New Statesman.
Ultimately, no-one expected Labour to lose, but no-one can
use this result (as they expected to be able to) to claim that Jeremy Corbyn is
a doomed prospect.
However, UKIP will use any fact to prove anything, and what
this result apparently shows is that a bunch of people who look different have imposed
their will on people who don’t look different. If UKIPers get upset with me
when they infer that that was what I thought their Deputy Leader Paul
Nuttall was implying when he said that Labour had engaged in “dangerous
identity politics”, then let me say that he implied and I inferred.And I inferred from his implications that the phrase "identity politics" was undoubtedly attempting to divide people on the grounds of race. Which is, if I am right in this assessment, entirely shit.
Furthermore, Mr Farage says that the Postal Vote was bent. He claims
this comes from an impeccable source. Easy to tweet, but you better
substantiate it you frog-faced divisor.
Evidence from an impeccable source that today's postal voting was bent.
Have I got it wrong? If so, please explain to me
how? I’d so hate to think you’re bigots simply because you’d left some grey
area on that matter. I normally like my non-bigots to be unequivocally
non-bigots, and explicitly non-bigots. But, you know, maybe that’s too much for
me to expect from a 21st century multicultural democracy. P.S. If you didn't want me to misinterpret, you might have tried speaking clearly rather than insinuating. After all, if you're not bigots, why would you feel the need to obfuscate.
David Cameron awakes to discover his mobile phone is
melting.
The Daily Mail is
serialising a new unauthorised biography of the PM, written by his former
donor, now nemesis, Lord Ashcroft. In horror, Dave reads of the allegation
that, whilst at university, he "inserted a private part of his anatomy
into a dead pig's mouth".
He goes into the kitchen for breakfast, praying that
Samantha hasn't heard yet.
Before he can say anything, she abruptly hands him a sausage
and bacon sandwich.
They eat in silence.
Political journalists basically have the day off.
Tuesday 22nd
September
“It’s just not fair!” screams Tim Farron.
“Here we are trying to relaunch the Lib Dems and no-one’s
listening to us because everyone’s concerned with whether David Cameron put his
curly in a pig!”
You can understand his pain. The Lib Dems are struggling to
get any airtime at all. It seems to be the case that Lord Ashcroft is taking
vengeance on all those who kept him out of government. After all, he could have
released this at another time.
Though no time would have been good for David Cameron, who
today is visited by François Hollande.
“Don’t worry David,” says the French President. “These
things blow over. I know. Just ask my mistress.”
“I’m just dreading the next few weeks,” replies a browbeaten
PM. “All the sly jokes and innuendoes. It’s already wearing me down.”
“Courage mon brave! Come, let us act like statesmen.”
They head towards the PM’s study and begin talking EU
renegotiation.
“So, mon ami,” says the President, “shall we begin with the
Common Agricultural Policy? I’m sure you have some passionate views on that.”
Wednesday 23rd
September
Finally, the Lib Dems get some limelight as Tim Farron gives
his first speech as party leader.
But enough of that. David Cameron and Lord Ashcroft are
having a ding-dong, if you’ll pardon the expression.
According to the BBC’s James Landale, on Monday night the PM
spoke to a friendly audience at the Conservative Carlton Club. He revealed that
that morning he had been at the doctors suffering from back pain, brought on by
some “over-energetic wood-chopping”, presumably because he was trying to get in
touch with his inner Putin.
The doctor said he needed to administer an injection,
remarking “This will be just a little prick, just a stab in the back.”
“Which rather summed up my day,” said the Prime Minister.
Lord Ashcroft responded on Twitter.
Good to see PM retains his sense of humour. We must have the same doctor. I had the same in 2010 when the PM reneged http://t.co/yKeiZDEOE7
His response: “I am concerned about the alleged knowledge,
or not, of the non-dom status of some of his friends in the House of Lords.”
Oh yes, because whilst everyone – everyone (including this
diarist) – has been revelling in the most macabre pig’s head story since Lord of the Flies, we have been ignoring
more substantive allegations that Cameron knew Lord Ashcroft was a Non Dom long
before the story broke, as well as allegations that Cameron was at loggerheads
with top brass over Libya strategy. Corbyn, meanwhile, has focussed on the real
issues. Who does he think he is? A frontbench politician?
Then he spoils it by saying that a United Ireland is “an
aspiration that I have always gone along with”, which should settle down his
new leadership’s already fraught relationship with Unionists in Northern
Ireland.
At least he said this during such a settled period. It’s not
like the government there has all but collapsed and we are, to borrow a phrase
from John McDonnell, “in danger of losing the peace process”. Clearly he’s been
taking his Shadow Chancellor’s advice on temperate language.
Friday 25th
September
As if to rub salt into the wound of the Lib Dems, #piggate
finally abates just in time for the Green and UKIP conferences to bask in the
now available political coverage.
First, it's Nigel Farage, who is now all about the upcoming
EU referendum, and is beginning the fight with stirring rhetoric.
"The campaign to leave is a united force. That's why we
have two different campaigns currently competing to be the official campaign,
and that's also why I'm backing one of them and my only MP is connected to the
other one. Unity in action!"
Then it's Natalie Bennett, who is to public speaking what
Iain Duncan Smith was to public speaking. She confidently declares that the
"world is embracing Green Party politics".
You can see where she's coming from. At the last election,
universal embracement of Green politics was demonstrated by just under 4% of
the population.
So, less of an embrace, more of a nod to acknowledge it's in
the room, but that's progress.
Meanwhile, David Cameron - who spent the day in a cocoon of
solitude - emerges and asks: "Is it over yet?"
"No," replies an aide. "Farage called you
Piggy in the Middle, and Liz Truss rang up to ask if she could go back to
Beijing to open more pork markets. Though I think she was genuinely asking.
Difficult to say with her."
"Thank you! That'll do!" says Dave before an
awkward silence descends, broken by the impish aide giving into temptation…
"That’ll do pig. That'll do." Events depicted may differ from actual events. In fact, this is a work of fiction, with some facts. But mostly, it's nonsense.
The new North by North Westminster Podcast is available here.
Here’s why UKIP and others should shut up. This is not a sudden realisation – dear God, I’ve thought and felt this for a long time. Rather, I would like to think this is something akin to what far greater people than I would have described some 250 years ago as a self-evident truth.
As I write, it is Christmas afternoon. I am on the island of Tenerife of the Canaries, and it is 26 degrees Celsius and sunny. All is well.
Apart from one thing. One of my family was admitted to hospital earlier today with pneumonia. The immediate prognosis seems good and they should be fine, but this is nevertheless a grim and undesirable state of affairs.
At present, they are in hospital, being tested, observed and cared for. As far as I know, no questions were asked about their eligibility to receive this care, and they were submitted to analysis as quickly as possible.
What an utterly humane and proper way of doing things. Is that not the same thing you would do if a stranger arrived at your door with a serious injury? Treat first. Ask questions later. At any rate, it strikes me that asking any questions right now would be most inhumane. If they turned up with a claim for long-term care, having traveled solely for that purpose, then maybe (and I stress the word "maybe"), but, as it is, having suffered a severe but immediately short-term illness, care is necessary.
By now, you will have seen the analogy which I am drawing and abducted from that the argument I wish to make. Being benevolent to strangers is exactly what a modern country should aspire to do.
I know that things are more complex than that. I know that one has to consider national income, national expenditure, the global economy, population growth, and so on and so on, but UKIP (and indeed many others) and not asking questions about those things, though they are willing to deputise them into their arguments. They are asking questions about what sort of country we should be with relation to outsiders. What should we aim to be?
Well, my response to that question is that we should aim to be an inclusive country, a generous country. We should be a country that, as far as we can, aims to be charitable. We should take in the tired, the poor, the huddled masses as much as we can, and not treat them with suspicion, disdain or even hatred but with the simple capacity for human generosity and compassion.
My stating of this, at this particular moment, stems from the most selfish premise: you too could be in need. But how much better would it be for a nation to be generous simply for the sake of it. This is one of the major questions facing the UK as we head into 2015. Let us hope that we can answer it selflessly.
