Thursday, October 22, 2015

The North by North Westminster Diary: Bye-bye Biden

Thursday 22nd October
International news, and we’re checking in with the ongoing Presidential Election in the United States. And by “ongoing”, I mean “hasn’t actually started yet – still two-and-a-half months to go until the first primary”.
The Republicans have taken most of the publicity because they’re current front-runners are a mannequin from a barbershop and a surprisingly racist African American. Meanwhile, the Democrats are being fearfully dull by sticking with the same front-runner they’ve had for seven years.
Hillary Clinton currently leads by 26 points, and all the hope was pinned on Vice President Joe Biden entering the race and shaking things up. Not because he’d be able to stop the inevitable, but because he would inject some of the bat-shit craziness that has made the GOP’s contest so watchable.
This is the man who, at a campaign event, invited a local State Senator to stand-up. “Where are ya Chuck? Stand-up Chuck!” he shouted, forgetting that Chuck Graham was in fact wheelchair-bound. Also, upon being named Obama’s running mate in 2008, he made a very convincing case as to why Hillary would have been a better VP. His announcement yesterday that he would not be running in 2016 came as a blow to Vine account users everywhere.
So, where will a challenge to Hillary come from, if one does at all? Certainly not from Lincoln Chafee, who in a poll after the recent Democratic Debate received not 1%, nor 0%. Rather, he got “*%”. The other candidates got 99% between them. *% seems exceedingly harsh.
The likeliest candidate is Mr Sanders, a dishevelled maverick from the left-wing of the party whose supporters are convinced that he’s more popular than the polls suggest because all of their friends agree that he’s the optimistic hopeful they’ve been waiting for, and anyone who disagrees is clearly part of a capitalist conspiracy.
I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere before…

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