Friday 17th April
Ed Miliband walks away from the
Challengers’ Debate satisfied. It was a strong performance he
faced difficulty in that Nicola Sturgeon had directly asked him to accept the
offer of her support in making him Prime Minister. As the car drove him home, he
wondered whether he was just three weeks from being Prime Minister and what
sort of government he would lead.
Meanwhile…
0.00am
A desert place.
Enter BENNETT, WOOD, and STURGEON.
BENNETT: When shall we three meet again
In
thunder, lightning, or in rain?
WOOD: When the hurlyburly's done,
When
the battle's lost and hung.
STURGEON: That will be ere the rise of sun.
BENNETT: Where the place?
WOOD: Upon the heath.
STURGEON: There to meet with Miliband.
8.00am
It was an interchange of views
between left and right which was surreal, surprising, amusing, and left a lot
of people looking very stupid.
I refer of course to Shadow
Education Secretary Tristram Hunt’s conversation with a primary school child
yesterday, which is making viral waves at the moment.
Mr Hunt: “Do you know who you’d
vote for?”
Schoolboy: “Er… UKIP.”
Mr Hunt: “You’d vote UKIP, very
good, why is that?”
Schoolboy: “Er…like get all the
foreigners out the country.”
It’s Hunt’s polite “very good”
that makes this art. However, this surely doesn’t reflect well on UKIP. I mean,
look at the level that the argument reaches. It is literally a childish
position.
11.30am
As for the debate last night,
general opinion is that Ed Miliband did well, but not well enough in Scotland
to arrest his problems. The other question is whether David Cameron made a wise
decision in not attending. At the very least, it looks like he’s avoiding scrutiny,
and at the very worst for him, it allowed Ed Miliband the chance to look Prime
Ministerial.
One issue which seems to have
some traction is the worry that Labour being supported by Nationalists will
threaten the Union, and to that end they have a friend in the Newsnight caption department.
Nevertheless, the Prime Minister
is concerned. Last night, Miliband challenged him to a one-to-one debate. Now,
the Leader of the Opposition is calling press conferences with his promoter,
where he says: “David Cameron, I'm calling you out. Let's fight May 5th and
give the world what they want to see. My family reunion was pushed back because
the date was locked in. Step up Punk."
1.03pm
Iain Duncan-Smith has said that
he doesn’t understand why zero-hours contracts have been given such a negative
name. He suggests flexible-hours contracts.
In Who’s Who, Mr Duncan-Smith describes himself as “attractively
hairless”, and insists that his welfare policies aren’t draconian but rather
are “like the dragons out of Game of
Thrones – awesome and all-conquering”.
2.45pm
Here’s a picture of Boris Johnson
wearing a hairnet, which poses the question: is any hairnet up to the job?
5.00pm
Bit of a POET’S Day feeling (Piss
Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday) to today’s campaigning. Nevertheless, the press
and the pollsters are ensuring that the important questions are asked. To that
end, they have polled: what are the parties’ views on Star Wars?
With a new trailer for The Force Awakens being released
yesterday, Star Wars fever is
gripping the globe, and we now have comprehensive data on how the parties relate
to this, courtesy of The Daily Telegraph’s
Asa Bennett.
Lib Dem supporters like the
series the most. The Conservative supporters like Han Solo the best, which is
odd because he is a smuggler and tax evader. Labour supporters also like Solo,
because he is someone he starts it sticking it to the establishment, and then
ends up becoming part of it.
However, the standout stat is
that UKIP’s favourite character is Darth Vader, despite the fact that he is an
immigrant to both the Dark Side and the Galactic Republic. Intolerant,
pro-military, and driven by a dark heart of hate, UKIP won the European
elections last year.
The Election Diary will return on Sunday with a Weekend Round-Up
Events depicted may differ from actual events. In fact, this is a work of fiction, with some facts. But mostly, it's nonsense.
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